Battle OFTW: #3


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

This is where everything you know about Battle OFTW completely changes.  I was hoping to focus on real world battles, but I had to diverge for this epic tussle. When a series has an ongoing conflict between enemies leading up to one final battle, you know it is going to be one for the ages. Harry Potter, Voldemort’s kryptonite, will not and cannot be denied. He is the chosen one and no magic wand or dark lord can bring this midget down. He has escaped death in every movie a minimum of 70 times just to be actually killed in the final movie. But wait, he has the resurrection stone and literally can’t die, a suave move by a grizzled wizard veteran. Before further ado let’s take a look at this weeks tell of the tail.


Harry Potter: 5’1″, 120 lbs 12 % dad bod.

Assets: He is the chosen one, experience, ate up the dark lords attempt to murder him, grit and lots of it.

Weaknesses: Decent at best wizard, Hermione can’t always babysit him, and he’s as small as Frodo.


Voldemort: Aka- The dark lord, Tom Riddle, and he whose name must not be spoken

6’6″, 195 lbs, 10% body fat

Assets: Genius, The greatest evil wizard ever, mean mugging sav piece, known to emasculate his opponents, and a long reach

Weaknesses: Harry Potter, part of himself lives in the chosen one, and brutal nose job,

The final battle takes place fittingly right outside of Hogwarts where it all began. Where all the wizards, witches, and muggle born children embarked on a journey unforeseeable. Prior to the battle, Voldemort and Harry had a duel as they call it. This ended poorly for Harry, or so they all thought. In possession of the resurrection stone, harry was unable to truly perish. But in doing so the part of Voldemort that lived in Harry was killed. Voldemort pleased with his victory takes Harry’s corpse to show all of his friends at Hogwarts. It is here where everything takes a screeching halt. Harry Jumps out of the Freak beast Hagrids meaty paws and flings into battle. Voldemort can’t believe his eyes and starts to spray kill shots all across campus. Harry Potter is too greasy and grimey though, he just knows his way around Hogwarts to well to be trapped by the dark lord. Part of the battle takes inside and the rest takes place on the entrance of the courtyard. These heavy hitters through every spell they know at each other. Voldemort uses his last Horcrux, the serpentine, to tag team Harry. But have no fear Ron and Hermione are here. They help out their long time pall by distracting the creature.

Voldemort is having his way with Harry. He is just too big, too powerful, and too mean. He has powers that Harry can only dream of and he his flaunting them with his every move. My one problem with the battle is that if Voldemort really wanted to kill Harry, regardless of the way, he could have done it. It clearly wasn’t meant to be. They reach the top of Hogwarts and they go for a ride. Once they landed they found themselves on a battlefield staged perfectly for the most historic duel of all time. Toe to toe two big dogs are about to get after it. No spectators because no one was prepared to witness it. If you can’t handle the bite get out of the kennel. And just like that they fire their best shot at each other. Green spray versus the red spray dark lord versus the chosen one. One on one good ole fashion duel.  It is a complete wash with Voldemort having the slight hand. Meanwhile inside, Ron and Hermione are battling the snake. They are cornered and it is clearly over for them, but who comes to the rescue? Neville Longbottom, with a name like that who couldn’t expect him to save the day? Bye bye snake and bye bye Voldy, cause you’re dead. The snake was his last Horcrux and his last chance against Potter. They link the bond again and Harry de twigs the legend himself. Take that the dark side. You loose again

3 thoughts on “Battle OFTW: #3

  1. Okay, am I a total loser for my love of HP and this battle? I dare only tell you this and I give you clear reign to make fun of me (insert computer tear here)
    I LOVED this battle flaws and all. I agree, Voldemort should have been able to kill Harry LONG ago but the way the bank account is set up Harry had all the good stuff on his side. Resurrection Stone indeed!!! I honestly put this up there with Vaders first breath….let the stoning begin…yes, that iconic moment when Vader takes his first breath and HP and Voldemorts Final Battle!


    1. Shahidah I would be ashamed of myself if I made fun of you one bit for loving HP. I love it as much if not more than you. This battle makes my blood flow in all areas of my body… too much info sorry! But you can bet your bottom dollar Vader will be a reoccurring combatant in battle OFTW. Harry Potter and the series can do no wrong in my eyes. I was just pointing out, like you said, the fact that Voldemort had two bank accounts set up and his checking was out of money, kill shots take weeks to transfer.

      Liked by 1 person

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