Ned Stark’s a Way Better Man Than Me, but Also an Absolute Dunce. Here’s Why…

If you haven’t caught up on Game of Thrones yet, I cannot stress enough – MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

The highly-anticipated 8th season of Game of Thrones kicked off this past Sunday, and there’s plenty to unpack. Although it wasn’t any Red Wedding, the episode still provided plenty of drama and new developments to hold us over until next week. One such development came in the final moments of Sunday’s episode when quintessential man-baby Samwell Tarly decided to confront Jon in the crypts below Winterfell. There, Sam reveals to Jon the truth behind his real parents – Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen (Not Ned). Obviously, this exchange has plenty of implications for the remainder of the show. How will Jon react? Does he now set his own eyes on the Iron Throne given his legitimate claim? How will Daenerys (and everyone else) take the news? All that’s fine and dandy, but the one thing that stuck with me after the episode was how big of an honorable dumbass Ned Stark was.

Listen, we all know how honorable Ned Stark was. The guy lived and breathed integrity, but we also all know where his flawless moral compass got him.

As dumb of a decision as it was to try and tell the Seven Kingdoms about the sweaty, steamy Lannister incest sex, it doesn’t come close to the the boneheaded choice to forgo telling Catelyn about Jon’s true lineage. Now, I know what you’re all thinking:

But Ders! He made a vow to Lyanna to protect Jon! If he said anything – even to Catelyn – he be putting Jon’s life in jeopardy!

Shuuuuuuut up with that nonsense. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is worth letting your wife believe that you cheated on her, while having a illegitimate child in the process. He did that for 14 years (since that’s how old Jon is when the events from the books kick off)!!! The fuck are you doing, Ned? Just think about it for a second. For 14 years, Catelyn had the ultimate trump card. I wonder how many times she busted that out during one of their fights. Hell, I know I’d be playing the “You banged another chick” fiddle every single second if I was her. I’d imagine it play out something a little like this:

Ned: Hun, can you walk the Dire Wolf?

Catelyn: I don’t know, could you keep your dick in your pants during Robert’s Rebellion?

or

Ned: Hey babe, what are you thinkin’ for food? I’m thinkin’ Beef and Barley Stew.

Catelyn: That’s funny, I was thinkin’ we hit up that local bed and brothel. You know, the one where you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants during Robert’s Rebellion?

or

Ned: Rob’s got jousting practice at six? Can you take him?

Catelyn: Sure, no problem. I can take him…just like how you took that whore from behind when you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants during Robert’s Rebellion.

Yeesh. Living in the dog pound for 14 straight years is no life to live. I’m starting to think Ned knew exactly what was going to happen when he snitched on the Lannisters, and decided it was the perfect out from his own living hell on Earth.

My main gripe is how Ned didn’t trust Lyanna to keep his secret? She’s your wife, dude. She’s supposed to be your ride or die. Did the sanctity of marriage mean nothing in the late 300s? I have no reason to believe Catelyn would of told anyone either and that’s including her whack-job sister, Lysa. Throughout the series, we witness Catelyn’s character and morals. She’s stoic, respectable, and, above all, fully aware of how dangerous the world she lives in is. I have the utmost confidence that she would have been able to grasp the severity of Ned’s situation and would have done anything possible to keep the truth about Jon hidden from the public.

All in all, it just doesn’t make a lick of sense to me why Ned didn’t run that one by her, and I can’t get over it. Like I said, he’s a better man than me, but also an absolute moron.

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